“You’re so tumblr.” – Darling, please don’t romanticise mental illness. Anxiety and depression are not a glorification. Slitting your wrists is not cool. Some people have the strangest minds. A friend of mine was told that her social anxiety was ‘cute’ and so ‘pop culture.’ What does that even mean? What do you think anxiety actually is? I believe these people think anxiety is lying in your bed with your palm over your head complaining about how you can’t cope with your life because you just don’t feel like getting up. Well let me clarify this for you: Anxiety is nothing like you think it is. You will never fully understand what it is unless you have experienced it firsthand. You cannot use terms such as “anxiety” and “depression” as an excuse for everyday life. These are not loose terms. You don’t see people running around saying, (insert typical bitch voice) “I feel like I have like cancer, I’m just so tired.” Exactly. Romanticising an illness is exactly why people disregard mental illnesses as being unimportant. If you would like this disease you are welcome to have it. Come around at, let’s say five-ish and fetch it.
Please just don’t. Tumblr is not a thing to aspire to be. Be a doctor, be a teacher, be a tarot card reader if you want to, just don’t be that person that glorifies mental illness as something which it is not. If social media is now a classification system, then I’m not certain as to whether I want to cry or die of laughter. Imagine we walked around casually saying, “I’m so Facebook, I am like that deep status about life,” or “I’m so Instagram, I am like totally always selfie ready.” Pathetic. But now I have gone off track. It’s time we disrupt the notion that mental illness is not a condition; all it does is increase the amount of embarrassment one has towards their illness. The amount of shame I have felt for being depressed is unexplainable. When I was diagnosed with severe depression disorder, I didn’t actually believe it existed. I classified depression as a specific feeling associated with sadness. Believe me, that is more than just incorrect. Feeling such deep pain is crippling. Once I couldn’t even move my arms or my legs for three hours because my depression affected me physically. The worst thing about depression is that it chases you continuously waiting to pounce. Actually I lie. The worst thing about depression is the way you are defined by it. People are blinded by it. All they do is pity you. You become weak in their eyes. Well you know what, I am not weak. I picked myself up off of that floor and continued with my daily life. Yes it took me a while to get there. It took being addicted to drugs and alcohol, attempting to overdose on medication and breaking down in school bathrooms nearly every day to get there, but I did it. Struggles result in strength.
A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with social anxiety with depressive episodes. Today we sat down for tea and discussed mental illness. I wish someone had done that for me. It took me four years to finally figure out how to help myself; this blog is here to help others who might be going through the same thing. After hearing about his/her (I will conceal their identity) battle with anxiety, I felt this deep sadness within me. Why do we have to feel this way? What is this world if pain exists? Driving home I witnessed a homeless man crying on the side walk and this wave of shame came over me. How can I complain about my disease when I have a roof over my head and food on my plate every evening? Sometimes this disease consumes me. Sometimes I forget about everything. Who or what combined narcissism with depression and thought it was a good idea? I sit here and I am just disappointed with everything. I am aware that this is the depression talking and that I will probably break down in the next twenty minutes, but I still can’t help but wonder “why me?”
This is the question we ask over and over again. Why you? Why me? Why is everything the way it is? “I’m so tumblr,” Please take this away from me. Be my guest. All I want is for this weird depression thing to go away. But I don’t know how else to live. Although I don’t want to be defined by depression, it is a part of who I am. I suppose everyone has aspects about themselves that they dislike. I just don’t enjoy it when people try and justify it, “oh you are a creative? That is why you are depressed.” No. Don’t tell me that everything will be okay either. Sometimes it won’t be. Depressed or not, life will not be a breeze. It will sometimes be a violent hurricane that will throw you from side to side in order to disorientate you on life’s pathway. Don’t tell me to breath either. Obviously I am breathing. Let’s be realistic here. We are not living some fairy tale life with pink roses and dancing teddy bears. I’m supposed to end on a positive note here. How must I be positive about depression when people are constantly negative about it? Why are people so insensitive?
“Missing out on life because you are so irrationally afraid” – socialanxietythings.tumblr.com
Shut up.
Hazy Bayes 